Last week I took myself on a date to the Ani DiFranco concert. It was my first show since I moved here and I was so stoked to check out the venue.
I popped into my Lyft, to that bubble of synthetic air freshener that always clashes with my “I’m going on a date” copious amounts of essential oils. We rock out to Despacito before she asks me where I’m headed.
“Cool, are you meeting your friends there?”
- “No, going solo”
She turned her entire head to look at me and her eyes got wide, “Oh my god, that’s SO cool!!! I wish I could do that… At least you’re taking a Lyft so you can get drunk.”
- “I don’t drink.”
She does it again, the quick shock turn, “Oh my gosh, are you serious?? That’s really cool! I wish I could do that.”
YOU CAN. You can do whatever you want. That’s the beauty of being your own person, you get to pick what your person does and doesn’t do. You get to decide how you spend your time, who you spend it with, and what you consume. You get to decide if you splurge on the Lyft, or you drive and pay for parking, or you take the extra time to travel by public transportation. YOU CAN. I CAN. WE CAN.
And that night I chose to get all dressed up to go on a date with myself to a performance by badass women for badass women. I chose to be there when doors opened at 7 so I could sit and take it all in, the crowds rolling through to find their seats, the energy of anticipation. I chose to let tears drip down my face as I listened to Quiet by Milck, the opening act. I chose to feel that I wasn’t there alone, but rather with 2,000 other humans who enjoy songs about happiness and reproductive rights.
I chose to not take footage of the show and keep my phone in my purse to fully be at the performance. I chose to stand up and dance while most everyone around me was sitting and swaying with a drink in their hand. I chose to remember that I no longer need to depend on alcohol to have a good time. I chose to feel that I AM ENOUGH.
You can. I can. We can. Choose.
How do you choose to spend time with yourself and fully enjoy your own company? Ain't that the BEST? Keep loving you, boo.
∞ ♥ rf
On Sunday I set off on a solo adventure to Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival in Golden Gate Park. I left my house with just enough time to grab coffee and find a good spot to boogie for the Nhako and Medicine for the People performance.... // We are on time.. we are ALWAYS on time. Each and every moment, we are exactly where we need to be. And, WE ARE ENOUGH. Everything you need is inside yourself. Read more at reginafelice.com/theblog
“We spend so much time thinking about how we feel rather than actually feeling.” // Frida Kahlo inspired self portraits // Before I could get to my very important step-by-step plan for the evening, I was distracted by the flower arrangement below the mirror, brighter than the day before. Every single one of the stems and pedals, divinely constructed pieces of art. I can’t recall the exact thought process after that - because when you’re really feeling it’s okay not to think as much – but it resulted in scissors, makeup, and a tripod. And light. Perfect light.
My archives are treasure mines. This is from our road trip from San Francisco to Arizona in December 2015. I snapped these while we sat in traffic on the highway in the LA area.
The sky looks like dessert.
I had a phone chat with a soul sister earlier, that sounded more like a conversation with myself - revealing all sorts of truths and desires. When we hung up, I surrendered. I released all control of my thoughts and my to-do list. It's Friday night for fuck's sake.
I dug under my bed for the perfect lens to photograph the bright waxing crescent moon against the dark San Francisco sky. I twirled in the kitchen while a chicken roasted in the oven. I hummed through dinner in gratitude and allowed myself to be swept off my feet by the flow like young lovers moving blindly through the motions. Inspired, head over heels.
After dinner I ran a bath and filled it with a blend of apple cider vinegar and lavender essential oils. The bathroom dark and incense burning, a blend of scents and emotions that I recognize and love.
I lay in the bath with everything but my head, knees, and nipples submerged in the hot to warm water. Joni Mitchell sang about clouds and love and life - dejavu. I've been here before - come to think of it, I come into this exact emotional space once or twice a year.
A deep desire to rekindle the romance with myself. To lay out my energetic priorities, to reevaluate the most important relationship in my life. A reminder of what I need, what I want to focus on, and what I value most.
Last year at around this exact time, I house sat for a friend; but really she was the one doing me the favor. I was going through a time of rapid change and uncertainty with a forecast of amazing showers ahead, but uncertainty none the less.
I sat on her stoop without a sweater because the evening was surprisingly nice, just like tonight. For the first time in a while, I felt completely alone, knowing that I didn't owe anyone else an ounce of my energy. I pulled out my Moleskine and I played Joni Mitchell. And I cried.
I cried gratitude, faith, and wholeness. Just like tonight.
June, you remind me of me. I love you.
I had my bike stolen last weekend. I loved my bike, it took me absolutely everywhere and we made great partners for a little over three years. I felt empowered as soon as I jumped on it – it was a big speed upgrade from the cruiser I previously had, and the fact that ‘non-athletic and uncoordinated’ me could ride a fast bike like my fast cycling friends, whoa! It was huge.
The speed was cool, but I fell in love with way more than just that. It was a mix of using my own strength to continue pedaling up giant hills, it was the deepest most perfectly paced breaths, the sound or lack-there-of of wheels on pavement, and that thump of the heart when the cleat clips into the pedal. All this combined with nature and city and cosmic energy zooming past me on every side was absolutely mind blowing – how much I could discover in such little time. How I could feel so much yet nothing at all, one with everything yet completely alone.
A few months after I got that bike, I flew over my handlebars and broke my chin open. I felt there were only two options after the accident; either generate a fear of cycling and retire my bloody handle bar tape forever OR take the lessons that my bike offered and keep pedaling. I chose to take the lesson – the big ol’ thirteen-stitch wake up call on my chin. I’d been sitting on some changes that were piling up dust, and there was nothing like a nice pavement sweep to help me clear those off.
I took a closer look at the relationships in my life – with work, partner, friends, alcohol, and of course, with myself. It put an end to a few of those and committed to loving myself – and loving myself meant getting back in the saddle. My cycling tribe was fully supportive, as they know the flow that comes with pedaling, and they held my hand as I got comfortable with my wheels again.
When my bike got stolen last weekend, I knew there were only two options; to see this as a set-back, financially and to my routine, OR to take it as an opportunity to upgrade my ride and continue experiencing the thrill of feeling fully alive as I balance a geometric frame on wheels down the not-so-trusty backside of Hawk Hill and beyond. I went for the ladder – recognizing it as an investment to my overall wellbeing, because cycling feels so damn good.
I picked up this gorgeous CAAD10 Cannondale yesterday and took it for our first spin today in bright pink lipstick and some stretchy pants, because I love looking snazzy on a first date. Oscar Martinsson captured these gorgeous shots as we sped through Golden Gate Park and onto The Great Highway. We made a mandatory coffee stop at Andytown and I was back home ready for a photo session at 10am. What a gift to begin a morning like this – I can’t wait for more upcoming adventures with my Ramona.
Stay tuned. Stay spinning. ∞ ♥